Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize