I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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