i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
