the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
