no, he came in my armpit
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
