i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize