I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
