what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I need to stop coming to work sober
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
