Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
