It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
