I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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