people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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