i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
