i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
