so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Two words: nipple clamps
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