he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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