Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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