Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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