I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize