She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
