She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
