You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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