I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
