i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize