Please, let me fuck your mom
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
