tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
