Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize