I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
