I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
