Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
