i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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