no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
