I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
