So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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