WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
