I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
