Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
