hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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