i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
