When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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