I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
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