a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
