Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
