Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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