the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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