Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i came on her dog
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
