I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
