A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
