I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
