Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
