ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
