Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
