So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
