3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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