And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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