I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Randomize