The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
