I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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