just come out here and I will go home with you...
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
