i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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