hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sorry my hands just texted you
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
