I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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