Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It's Friday. Sex?
bring money and cleavage
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
