WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
