like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
