have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
