I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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